Outside Books.

The Grand Illusion

Reality is an illusion.

I’m going to kick this off by quoting a bunch of people: dead or alive. Albert Einstein started it off by saying; Reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one. Who can really argue with Einstein? G.L Lambert: The keyword in life is to think. Steve McDermott: you’re not a victim of circumstance, but a creator of circumstance. Steve also said, you don’t believe what you see, you see what you believe. Jed McKenna: I don’t have something you don’t. You just believe something I don’t. Sadhguru: This reality is only a dream, and only a sleeper considers it real. Salman Rushdie: reality is a question of perspective. George Orwell: reality exists in the mind and nowhere else. Napoleon Hill: dreams are the seedlings of reality. Franklin Covey: we see the world not as it is but as we are…you get the message? Its either all those people were/are deluded, or they were/still are onto something.

How can reality be an illusion though? We can feel, taste, smell and even touch the world?

Plato has been inspiring philosophy and psychology from beyond the grave. In his work, ‘Analogue of The Cave’, he asked his students to imagine prisoners shackled in a cave and facing the wall. A position they had retained since childhood. The cave wall is the only thing they know, and they cannot see what’s happening behind them. In the cave there is a fire. Often, the captors pass in the cave and whatever they are carrying casts a shadow on the cave walls. In sense, the prisoners only know reality from the shadows cast and they imagine the voices to belong to the shadows. One day a prisoner is released. Seeing everything he’s nothing short of terrified. The prisoner begs to be left so he can return to the comforts of the wall which is familiar. However, his captors take him further outside the cave. Forced to experience the world, the prisoner comes to a gradual awakening over time. He realizes there is a more wonderful world than the dark he was accustomed to. He returns to the cave and tells the fellow prisoners of the wonders of the fire, sun, moon, wind, and nature in general. They don’t believe him and deem him a mad man. Now the prisoner cannot be content with just the wall and the shadows anymore for he has tasted something much better. He tries to release his fellows so they too can experience it, but they threaten to kill him if he dares.

That’s just to show that even as ancient as Greek philosophers were, they understood that there is more to reality. More than the senses can perceive. If modern day science is anything to go by then we can all agree that our senses aren’t perfect, and can’t be relied on. For starters, the human eye sees between 430-770 THz, while the human ears detect sound between 20hz-20Khz. Ranges that are only a quarter of the total energy frequency range! Come to think of it, even when we dream we experience these senses so vividly it’s impossible to fathom it’s a dream until you’re awake. How the mind pulls that off is beyond me. The only difference between the dream-state and wake-state is that the wake state is persistent.

Einstein and all the others understood we are energy, just as everything in the universe is made up of pure energy frequencies. Looking into quantum physics, electrons and such were discovered to have no physical size, no internal structure, are zero dimensional, are super-positional, and are made up of energy: they are more of an event than a thing. Quantum physics claims human reality results from an interface of human consciousness (yes, the little voice in your head) with pure energy waves. Translation: The energy in the universe responds to consciousness itself. Everything we think is real is just the brain receiving information from our rather flawed senses, and transforming it into a picture we call reality. Due to the super-positional nature of energy particles, teleportation could be a thing, just as telepathy could, due to quantum entanglements.

At this point you’re probably thinking, ‘Now she’s lost it. Next she’ll be telling us aliens are real, and that angels are winged monkeys with magical wands.

Can you really imagine that though? Everything, inclusive of all our material possessions, is nothing but intangible energetic information! The universe is a powerful energy, interconnecting and interpreting all of life: perhaps that’s what we refer to as God. Not a physical entity, but pure abstract information: One which cannot be perceived by the human senses or logical mind. An energetic consciousness. Spiritualists say, to know God you need no mind or sense just a pure consciousness. Physicist David Bohm theorized a model where all of the information of the entire universe is contained holographically and energetically in every single cell. That is to say, everything in existence contains information of everything else in existence.

We are all an expanded consciousness of energy: separation and time are all illusions of the mind.

Our good fellow Schrodinger once said, ‘what we observe as material bodies and forces are nothing but shapes and variations in the structure of space. Particles are just appearances,’ that alone gives me goosebumps. Reality is all in the head, and the only real thing is our thoughts. Franklin covey sees it this way: reality is like a computer and your thoughts are the programming codes. Whatever you feed your computer is the outcome you’ll get: Be it love, positivity or negativity, fear, doubts, limiting thoughts, superstitions…you name it.

That being the reason why the society we live in is working off the clock to ensure we maintain the conditioned perspective. We are dogs, and society is Ivan Pavlov ringing the bell. Reality is subjective to your understanding, assumptions, opinions, beliefs and emotions. Things the society has been influencing and programming down to the letter.

‘Face reality,’ is another fancy word for ‘maintain the perspective you’re conditioned to,’

Once in a while it’s nice to let go of ego, worries, attachments and other society based theatrics: taking time to shift your thinking to the bigger picture of the expanded consciousness. Move from being a drop in the ocean, to being the ocean. We say everything is energy and intangible, right? Ask yourself this: Is the brain giving us a false impression of touch? Have you ever really touched anything your whole life? And if so, how can we claim to touch when electrical repulsion makes its impossible? The world isn’t physical so does that make it unreal? What is supporting this false appearance?

When all is said and done, the choice is yours: red or blue pill.

Last Birthday

Last Birthday I was still in Campus
This birthday I have completed my studies

Last Birthday I had no idea how to earn a living
This birthday I’m selling my skills for money
Last Birthday I wrote my first chapters
This birthday I’m well on my way to finishing a book

Last Birthday I was deeply rooted in the system
This birthday I’m thinking new ideas

Last Birthday I was religious
This birthday I’m halfway spiritualLast Birthday I had a string of friends swearing sweet allegiance
This birthday I only have my family and a few

Last Birthday I was sinking in anxiety and toxicity
This birthday I’m halfway at controlling my being

Last Birthday I sacrificed for a brother
This birthday he’s made alot of progress

Last Birthday what people thought mattered
This birthday I could care less

Last Birthday I knew less
This birthday I know a little bit more

Last Birthday everyone at home was healthy
This birthday everyone at home is still healthy
Last Birthday life didn’t make much sense
This birthday every heart beat says ‘Thank you!’

Of Governments and Democracy

Democracy is so overrated ~ Francis J. Underwood.

House of cards, an American TV show, demonstrates the Machiavellian strategies to power. Emphasizing on manipulation of the people’s desire to exercise their democratic right to vote, the fifth season illustrates the old doctrine that preaches: where democracy ends, tyranny begins. It is to say that tyranny is the mother of democracy, and as a dutiful daughter she serves tyranny well enough. When each of us rush to democracy with diverse interests we break it down to anarchy, and in pursuit of more liberties we find ourselves knocking at tyrant’s door. Hence governments arise to exercise tyranny in a fair manner. The building block of democratic governments becomes absolute power which they exercise on behalf of the electors. Democracy is built on tyranny, with history as its pillar: But we are soon to realize that if there is anything history teaches, it is nothing.

Governments are democratic and benevolent to their supporters, and vicious masters to their opponents.

All governments have to be absolute monarchs in order to be sovereign. They have to be obeyed to a fault, and in return they answer to no one. They exert control using fear. That having been said, our governments share striking similarities with those of early-man.

For man to survive he had to come down from trees and live in communities. He had to give up some of his primal rights and take up duties to ensure survival of the group.

Man was born free, but in his free state, he was predisposed to danger.

He formed societies to protect his person, interests, and property.

From a John Locke perspective however, hostile nature made man to be in an active state of war.

He would therefore align with those who buy into his ideas, and fight off those who threaten him. Even today, grave crimes are committed against persons that do not conform to a functional society. Furthermore, varying interests within a group of people lead to suspicions which pave way to conflict. When the fear is mutual, the people hold on in unity until a threat to their interests is eliminated. The same applies to democracy.

There is a diplomacy saying that goes, “Shake with your right hand, but hold a rock with your left.”

Without society, we are bound to revert to our animalistic instincts: Struggle for the fittest. The weak are wiped out as the powerful take over their resources. Capitalist economies are considered man-eat-man economies. As a result, we have social protection laws to protect the weak from the powerful. The comedy lies in the fact that the nanny nature of the state taxes more in order to provide for social protection: Indeed, The hands that give takes away too.

Did man sign up for that, of course not, but it is necessary.

The state also has to protect the private sector, actually it is arguable that this is the primary role of the state. Autocracy is the new democracy, if the private sector collapses, no one is protected. Standing between the private and public sectors is a government exercising control within a legal structure. Aside from this, the biggest question remains, how would a democratic government turn out to be an absolute monarchy?

Sovereign power belongs to the people of a republic. The Preamble of the written Kenyan constitution says that, “We the people have made this constitution for ourselves and we therefore agree to be bound to this constitution.” The document further states that the sovereign power belongs to the people and it shall be exercised as per the constitution. The sovereign power can be exercised directly or indirectly through the elected officials and it is later delegated to the arms of government, and at the national and county level.

The people critically give up their sovereignty at three stages; by making a document, by agreeing to be bound to it, and by giving up their sovereign power to individuals and institutions.

How did the people come up with a constitution? They selected a few people to write it, and later voted on it. A simple majority is enough to enact a constitution. Did the people however agree to be bound by every bit of the document? Of course not. There are many petitions and applications in courts, the altars of law, to determine matters. Most people did not understand the meaning of socio-economic rights, positive discrimination, or a state of emergency articulated in articles of the document. After a bloody struggle of independence and a gruesome fight for democratic elections, everyone would settle for a document that secured their political rights. The people are no longer in control of government actions, as the arms of governments are united to ensure the survival of the state. The legislature makes laws that the executive enforces. Some of this law originate from the executive. As for courts, they are required to say what the law is, and the law breathes the goals of the executive and the legislature.

The citizens become spectators to government actions, with occasional brief moments of relief when something goes their way.

The elected government becomes the bigger brother, deciding what is best for its younger siblings. It can take away forcefully what it needs, and give forcefully what it wants. The citizens in turn look up to the government for direction to what is right, and what to aspire for. Absolute control is the foundation of all governments; democratic or dictatorial. The government keeps its citizens safe and warm from the cold wilderness outside.

Man could have been free, but instead, he formed a government and gave it absolute power in exchange for certainty. The government needs its citizens to check its legitimacy in every cycle of election. When aristocrats catch a cold, the working class dies of pneumonia. The same is with governments: When their sovereignty is weakened, the country breaks into civil war and crime. A proper example is the States of Middle East that the United States invaded in the beginning of the century. It is vital for individual countries to maintain their sovereignty. It is a larger basic right for persons to be safe in their countries. There is no larger duty than that of the state to protect its citizens. This train of thought is in line with the unitary executive theory. Whatever the president does in his official capacity is constitutional.

The argument is that the executive is legitimate in every single of its endeavors to govern a state. Any oppression of its citizens, taxation, and any taking away of any right is constitutional.

This theory is in practice in most democracies inasmuch as they fail to admit it. In conclusion, all governments are absolute monarchs. There might be avenues in law that create a perception that the governments are just, but man knows no relation apart from that of absolute control.

Democracy and the rule of law are an aspiration of the weak electorate.As for the men in power, they know only one law, hunt or be hunted.

Governments are quick to amass totalitarian control, within or without the law structures, for there can be no sovereignty and legitimacy without absolute control.

Charles Nyankieya, and yours truly.

Is Modern Day Feminism a Disease?

Thinking of an appropriate way to introduce a topic has never been a small feat for me: Especially when it’s a sensitive topic. So today I’m opting to take the easy way out, and go straight to whatever I want to write.

Once, woman and man were considered two essential halves that made up the divine whole. For either soul to achieve spiritual enlightenment there had to be balance between the male and female aspects of each. With time however, our societies grew patriarchal and the once essential half that was woman was disregarded as just a secondary by-product of man. The rise of Christianity and other patriarchal man-made religions saw to it that the woman was demonized, forbidden from sacred places of worship, deemed unclean and unholy, her sexuality branded shameful, and her status solidified as that of the devil’s consort. The centuries that followed were marked with inhumane mistreatment of the woman from torture to bloodshed. The Catholic Church even went to extreme lengths with its book ‘The Witches’ hammer’ which provided a guideline on hunting down and torturing ‘witches’. A massive number of women be it mystics, opinionated free thinkers, learned women, herbalist or medicine women, gypsies, nature lovers, religious priestesses…to name a few, were cast as witches and their fates decided on a burning stake. That was enough to silence the woman and get her in line. The product of that being generations of unsure women with low self esteem, full of guilt for the sinful nature that was ‘woman’s birthright’, grateful for a chance at redemption, and selflessly at man’s disposal. Women make half of humanity, and by crippling its half humanity suffered greatly through gruesome testosterone fueled wars and mindless destruction of nature.

However, it’s not rocket science that nature will always strive to find and maintain equilibrium.

A few more generations in and the winds of change were in motion: A savior, Feminism, was at last born. The woman now had the courage to stand up to man, call him out on his cruelties, demand freedom and equal rights, pursue more than what man or society allowed her, and unashamedly own her body, self and sexuality. The patriarchal society could do nothing but yield under the pressure, and the woman was once again allowed power and say. For a moment there, everyone was happy and it appeared as if everything was finally falling into balance. Still and all, the woman sooner learnt how powerful the feminism card was; she could use it to gain favors, gain passage to victimhood town, guilt the other gender to submission and get away with murder. Now, the battle was no longer about equity and fairness; but about which gender was superior,had the power, or could do it better.

The thing with power is that it’s insatiable, can be intoxicating, addictive and leaves no room for empathy, love or understanding.

In spirit of the power struggles the toxic feminism club came forth. Their agendas included misandry, knee-jerk aggression towards men, not missing a chance to harass, reactionary attitudes, anger and hatemongering, and objectification of men into one demon category. ‘Feminists’ became the bullies they were originally fighting against, and with time drowned out the important concepts.

I am a feminist and my kind of feminism drives at equity and freedom to woman. Simply because giving freedom to women will result in freedom to men. Man and Woman might be different but at the end of the day they are two sides of the same coin. For our society to progress we have to abandon all this stupid debates and understand that neither is superior nor inferior. Man is divinely man and woman is divinely woman.

Spirituality stresses that the only way to experience God is through the opposite gender.

I couldn’t agree more with that. Physical union through intercourse was believed to be one way to achieve spiritual completeness and experience enlightenment. Enlightenment or nirvana is simply a long lasting climax experience where the mind is free of thought. Plus, it’s through the opposite gender that we can truly experience divinity.

It begins with an attraction to her physical attributes. You eventually find yourself in love with her face, body, posture etc. With time the love grows and it’s not just her body but her heart and thinking as well. The more you spend time with her you find yourself drawn to and craving her unique soul, her energy, and her presence. From her soul you fall in love with her being, her femininity, and everything that makes her a woman. Then one day it’s no longer about her womanhood but you love and appreciate her as a human. After sometime her mere existence in your life becomes the reason for your love. A time comes when all you feel is love; irregardless of her body, her heart, soul, being, humanity or her existence. Then you would have found God through your woman or man for God is pure love and each love an echo of God’s. But we can only achieve that if we are able to look at the opposite gender and see a divine spiritual being rather than a means to an end.

The L Word

Love…a force that has shaped history, brought powerful men to their knees, inspired artistic wonders like never seen before, driven some to insanity and martyrdom, and yet others to unapologetic vile acts. I can’t begin to describe what love is: Trying to do so will be a fool’s errand as no amount of words can ever do justice to the feeling.

We all need, crave and obsess over love. The entertainment industry for starters understands this and thrives by selling love; 90% of the movies, music, books and articles we invest our time into are love themed. Love is like morphine to our souls, a source of hope and consolation: The silver lining on an otherwise grey cloud that is life. From society and the media we are taught who to give love to (God or any other supernatural force, your country, your religious and political leaders, parents, spouses, children etc), how to give love, and how to get it in return. We are given a societal blue print to love; look a certain way, follow some ideologies or religious dogmas, court like this, achieve something, etc and after that you will be worthy.

What society never really bothers to stress on is that loving yourself should come first. Instead, you are encouraged to give love to objects outside you before you can finally consider taking it inside. That conditioning is of course done with purpose for if people loved themselves then who will love and blindly follow the politician or pastor? Who will sacrifice his/her life for a religion or country? Who will go killing some innocents for some stupid ideologies? Nobody. There would be no need to get into all sorts of mediocrities just so you can feel worthy, give meaning to your life, be accepted or earn some love. Those looking to manipulate you understand that fact; which is why society is constantly preaching against self loving.

You deserve your love too

Contrary to what we are led to believe, the problems in our societies don’t arise from self loving but from self loathing. There is nothing evil with self loving. After all you only project what’s inside you; a self hating, bitter, destructive, or unhappy person would only project, attract and give that back to society. A person who truly loves himself/herself can only project love onto others. For instance, it’s common to find two self loathing people trying to ‘love’ each other when in real sense none has any love to give. The comedy of it is that a relationship built on lacking is bound to end with exhaustion, resentment and bitterness. More so, when self love is lacking then no amount of external loving will ever be enough to cure the empty void; you will go on jumping from person to person and would still feel empty at the end of the day. Any external love given to you will just be an illusion, and will further serve to remind you of what’s really missing.

Loving yourself is the most natural thing you could ever do. It’s the best gift you could allow yourself and shouldn’t be another person’s responsibility.When you love yourself you are able to be a good lover and can build fulfilling relationships. You are overflowing with so much love from within that all you can do is share that love with others without expecting anything in return; whether they love you back or choose to love someone else won’t be an issue to you. By sharing love you won’t see the need to cling, harass, own, control, or create a prison for your partner.

By self-loving I don’t mean your ability to treat yourself to an expensive vacation, your lack of consideration for others, or your petty selfishness like an eleven year old girl. Can you stay single without feeling the need to find someone to constantly hammer into you how valuable you are? Can you stare in the mirror without your clothes, makeup, accessories, titles… and still feel like divinity? If no, that should tell you something. Loving yourself begins with learning how to be comfortable in your singleness/aloneness. The difference between being alone and being lonely is; loneliness signifies a void that needs to be filled, while aloneness signifies wholeness. Being comfortable in your aloneness means you are aware that you are complete on your own (you are everything you could ever need), and don’t need someone else to fulfill you. Therefore, a healthy partner is one who compliments you, and not one who depends on you for completion. If we all loved ourselves and allowed others to do the same then no one will feel the need to compare or compete with another. Everyone will be so content and satisfied with who they are to the point that the business of seeking societal approval will perish. Mental health will be at best, and consequentially depression and suicide cases will go down. Everyone will be happier for it.

Economic Development

Economics is a science that tries to unearth, explain, and influence the conditions responsible for the lifestyles people lead. It’s both an easy and difficult concept to grasp. On one hand we have simple truths that even a child can understand (such as the prices of commodities), and on the other hand we have varying economic facts that have scholars on edge. That’s not to say economics is entirely impossible. An understanding of economics in modern times has been achieved ground up; from individual decisions, to households, to community, and eventually to the state. It’s an accepted fact that people’s lifestyles in developed and underdeveloped countries vary enormously. In this article, I talk about the economics in African countries, factors that play a role, and economic development.

Economists use the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) per capita to measure the economy’s total output. In other terms, GDP and national income go hand in hand. Recent GDP per capita analyses reveal three states of economy: rich, middle, and poor income nations. Most of the African countries fall in the latter category with little to no hopes of ever catching up with the more developed countries. The GDP per capita of rich countries continues to grow day by day whereas the GDP per capita of poor countries, especially Sub Saharan Africa countries, continues to decline.
We can pin point to a number of obvious factors responsible for the poor economies in African countries. Topping the list is lack of efficient equipments to work with; be it electronics or antibiotics. Secondly, people in African countries are largely illiterate or poorly educated and hence unable to make use of the knowledge acquired through schooling. Many economists speculate that the economic growth of a nation is highly fueled by production of novel ideas. Another factor responsible for poor economies is health and population growth. The life expectancy in African countries is bordering on late 50s, and cases such as malnutrition, poor hygiene, susceptibility to infections, draughts, and other natural calamities still reign. Furthermore, the high population growth rate in African countries has only served to add pressure in resource sharing.What is holding back economic development in African countries?

When comparing rich and poor countries, developed countries stand out for having established effective governments and policies that promote development. This is something difficult to achieve in African countries which are riddled with corruption and wastage of resources. African governments tend to be undisciplined, corrupt, ineffective, and disobey the rules; a factor that consequentially leads to low productivity. Common citizens are forced to bribe in order to get services that should otherwise be freely given by the government. In turn, bribery raises the production costs leading to production of fewer products and price elevation. At the end of the day, the common citizen continues to suffer the most.
All in all, economics is a crucial topic because in one way or another we are all natural economists. African countries have poor economies and that is attributed to a number of factors such as poor governance and policies, poor infrastructure, illiteracy, poor living conditions etc. Growth in GDP per capita is the first step in improvement of the quality of life of a country’s people. However there is no standard way of ensuring economic growth: economists agree it’s a combination of accumulated manufactured capital, human capital and the implementation of new ideas.

Leil’s Verbal Tips

Verbal communication is the fabric that holds society. You may have noticed that the people who lead society, those with high paying jobs, partners who seem out of their leagues, and powerful friends may not be better than you, work as hard as you, or even as intelligent. You then wonder why they have it all, and you don’t?

A sobering reality we often underestimate is; how you deal with people will determine how far you ascend the societal ladder. All those other generic qualities play a smaller part. Like every other Kenyan who has passed through the 8-4-4 system, I took a course unit in communication skills: Can’t say I learnt much from it. Recently though, I picked up a useful book by Leil Lowndes, ‘How to Talk to Anyone; 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships’. Ever since, my communication skills have improved, and I no longer have to pull the ‘introvert card’ just to get away from networking. I’m recommending the book to anyone who’d like to improve their skills.

There are two kinds of people in this life: Those who walk into a room and say, “well,here I am!” And those who walk in and say, ” Ahh, there you are,”

So in this blog I’m basically sharing tips I found useful. It’s going to be a lengthy but fun read;

A big warm smile is an asset only when it comes a little slower as it shows credibility and genuineness. Powerful women like Madeleine Albright, Indira Gandhi, Sahle-Work Zewde, and Margaret Thatcher can all bear witness!
Eye contact during conversations gives the impression of intelligence and abstract thinking. However, this tip doesn’t apply to all cultures; in some, eye contact is a sign of disrespect and threat.
Your confidence and posture when you step into a room is everything!
Learn to respond to their inner child with a warm smile, total body turn, and undivided attention during a conversation.
The secret to making people like you is to show them how much you like them. When meeting someone new pretend they are an old friend who you just met: Love begets love, positive vibes beget positive vibes…
When a conversation really counts… let’s say an interview, limit the fidgets, twitches, squirms, scratches, wiggles, stutters etc.
Watch people, see how they react, and then act accordingly.
Small talk is about putting people at ease. Mood match when small talking.
It’s not about what you say, but how you say it.
Wear or carry something unusual to give people an excuse to approach you. Simply ask for an introduction or facts that can be used to approach the other party.
Do your research, know your listener and the topics that might interest them; different bait for different fish.
Be a word detective who listens to the conversation for clues to preferred topics.
Keep the spotlight on them; you grow more by listening than talking.
When you’re speechless simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. That will put the ball right back on their court.
When first meeting someone, lock the closet door and save the skeletons for later.
Don’t leave home without the latest news. That will save you the trouble of wondering what everyone else is talking about, and you can actually join in on the conversation.
Avoid asking people ‘what do you do?’, instead ask, ‘how do you spend your time?’ Ask yourself what possible interest they could have before answering the ‘what do you do’ question.
Before you submit your CV or job application, consider what possible interest the asker could have in you or your work.
Your vocabulary could make all the difference. Look up some common words you or everyone uses, and practice replacing them with new ones. Avoid clichés when talking to people.
CommYOUnicate: start your sentences with ‘you’. It pushes the pride button and gets a better response. Example; instead of saying ‘will you join me for dinner?’ try, ‘you will enjoy dinner with me,’
Trash the teasing.
Just once a month, do something you’d never dream of doing to enrich your lifestyle, and expose you to different settings.
No matter how urgent you think your call is, always begin by asking the other party whether it’s a good time to talk. Bad timing equals bad results. Also, record your important conversations over phone and listen to them a second or third time to pick up on cues you might have missed the first time; it will also help you to avoid the annoying ‘I can’t hear you’ statement.
When invited to an important social event, question who is going to be there and how they could possibly interest you. Look under the rugs for the main reasons why they are throwing the party.
In gatherings don’t sit around waiting for the moment you’d be chosen, instead be the approacher.
Be a human magnet and not repellant by minding your body language.
Remember the tiniest details of your conversation with someone and refer to them later. It creates a powerful sense of intimacy.
Big winners never gape at others’ embarrassing errors in public.
Empathize with emotions. Its often the only way to calm their emotional storm.
Lead the crowd by reacting first without waiting to see how others will react.
Whenever you make a mistake, make sure your victim benefits in your amends to an extent that they are delighted you made the mistake.
Don’t hide behind euphemism while communicating.
A little knowledge goes along way when buying something. Before purchasing, find several vendors; learn from them and then decide on who to buy from.
Find out the values of a person you’re interested in; as humans we feel more comfortable giving out friendships or businesses to people we feel share our values. Listen to their choice of words, and echo them back.
Learn what your listeners’ most inclined sense is and and use it to make it appear like you’re on the same page; we all see the world, hear the world, smell the world, feel the world and taste the world. I personally smell the world.
Levels of intimacy during a conversation are; clichés, facts, feelings, personal questions and finally the ‘we’ statements. Create an illusion of intimacy by skipping the clichés, facts and feelings, and go straight to the premature ‘we’, ‘us’ and ‘our’.
With anyone you’d like to make apart of your personal or professional future, look for special moments together and make them a refrain.
Complements one gets are never as exciting as the ones they overhear. Compliment people through their close friends and watch how it changes their perspectives of you. another way to compliment is to throw in a few comments in your conversation to hint something positive about your listener; sneak praise into parts of your sentence.
Learn what people in your life admire most about themselves then feed it back to them in form of a compliment.
Practice little strokes of appreciation such as, “Good Job!”, “I’m impressed!”
Whenever you are calling someone’s home or office, always identify, greet and make friends with the person who answers. They can sway the very important person’s opinion on you.

The Same Old Story

I have been putting off writing this piece for a long time; partly because it’s an experience I’d like to pretend never happened, and I can’t seem to find words to match. Needless to say, my thoughts have been nagging for an outlet again and again. Also, this topic has been trending, and you know what they say:

One woman steps forward, then another and another…until you have a movement.

So here I am with a slight headache, dry eyes, and hoping to finally organize something that would resonate with anybody who cares enough to read this. Who needs to read this?…I don’t know, but this is my way of saying: I don’t want to be silent anymore.Let me bring you, my reader, up to speed with what I’m trying to communicate. According to statistics, only 1 out of 20 rape victims report the cases. ONLY 1!!! The remaining 19 choose to remain silent about the encounter. This could be due to a number of reasons best known to the victim. Choosing to remain silent of course solves nothing, but in my country, speaking up does very little as well: 80% of the time the rapist slithers scot free.

Speaking up isn’t just the better option because of justice matters, but because staying silent only leads to louder…

I’m not going to put my experience to detail, or any other person’s for that matter; the internet has archived enough of those and it still hasn’t helped deal with the elephant.Most girls can relate to sitting down with a girlfriend, listening to her cry about an awful experience, sympathizing with her, but not really empathizing. You often leave the room sad or angry, but thinking;

‘that can never happen to me, I can’t imagine, I’m somewhat immune, I’m careful, I’m modest, yada yada…’

Until the day, God forbid, you find yourself on the weeping end. You now understand why her world appeared to crumple that day while everyone else thought she was a dramatic-attention seeker, why she couldn’t forget, why she changed, why she couldn’t move on despite your motivational quotes, solidarity in hate and good listening skills…

People fail to understand that an experience like that changes you in more ways than one. Infact, only someone who has gone through the same can really empathize. You are constantly beating yourself up on how powerless you were (you couldn’t even keep an intruder from invading your OWN body) ,how hopeless and helpless a fellow human made you feel (can we really refer to them as humans?), and how your choice to such an intimate act was taken away. When the rapist is not brought to justice, then fear gets in line with shame, guilt, and hatred. The only thing left to do is grasp at straws for any semblance of normalcy.I came to an understanding that the society we live in is a diseased one, and is not about to change any time soon: I’m saving this for another blog though.Women often choose to play the victimhood game, complain about society, protest on social media, and demonize men and the police force. That, however, won’t stop the next sex preditor from abusing someone, or the police from dutifully looking the other way. It’s about time we took responsibility for ourselves, empower each other, equip, and fight back because no one out there is coming to the rescue.

We are under the illusion that people actually care when in real sense: nobody does.

This blog is a collaboration between me and my good friend Melissa Siya (IG handle @melissa_siya). We will do a second part which we hope will take you from the victim’s role to someone who takes action.

Man’s immortality.

We would all be like gods someday. Living forever and owning the universe. It is in human nature to stretch beyond limitations of time, space, distance, and dimensions that are yet to be experienced. Human resilience in the face of uncertainty and death, raging against the dying of the light, slowly and surely turned humans into gods.
Conscious man at nascent evolutionary stages had to run away from predators and live in high places where they could not reach him. However, he got tired of flight and instead formed groupings and cutting tools. The certainty and the bravery that comes with numbers made him hunt his prey and soon predators. Man was soon to be in a state of war, like Hobbes thought, and the largest fiercest of predators stumbled at his glance.
Winning the game of evolution was never enough for the Sapien. His desire was limitless, and insatiable. He built empires and pyramids, made gods, fought against them in Troy, and when he did not like them, he made new ones and killed the old ones. He endured catastrophes, and when gods could not help, he turned evolution on itself by creating vaccines and antibiotics.
For a moment, the gods were silent in shock forever. Man had discovered a trick that could save him plague after plague…
Two apocalyptic world wars came. The second one ending with an explosion that made man fear himself for the intensity of destruction and the heartless rage. However, with forgiving hearts and iron-wills, man did not try to escape his glaring nature and reality. He faced the demons he made.
Scientific and technologic renaissances were ignited. Soon, rockets were launching into space, moreover, the first man landed on the moon. Silicon Valley, in the face of collapsing worlds, cut their teeth and years later, the first personal computers were designed and built. Personal computers opened a whole scope to humanity. People all over the world were overjoyed with the start of a new age.
Scientists did not gentle into the undiscovered field. Medical and particle research was boosted, and new technologies arose. Microsurgery was possible, and soon artificial intelligence found its way to the minds of developers. Alongside it, man started asking himself the biggest question, “Can I overcome the chains of death and live forever?”
Civilised man has battled out with mortality. The myths surrounding death made it man’s ultimate villain. Death is that which makes him scared, that which he cannot beat, however much he tries to. The sapien pited himself against death by creating the afterlife and immortal gods. In his mind, he hoped physical death was not his end. Through technology and increased research, man’s fear has translated into a spirited fight to live on after death.
When sapien man encountered a physical force he could not beat, he formed a god and gave him dominion over it. Aphrodite was the goddess of fertility, sexuality, and romance. Hades controlled the underworld, while Thor summoned thunder with his hammer. Man’s victories over nature could not let him settle on the ability of the gods, real or not. Like a baby taking it’s first steps, he wanted to walk on and on. Soon he flew, and this was an incentive, that if he pursued his curiosity, some day he will gain eternity.
Eternity can be broken down to consciousness. How long can you be self-aware? Philosophers and scientists have discussed what constitutes consciousness. Awareness of existence forms mortality, while being aware of existence forever forms immortality. If we could store consciousness, or digitally decode it, and make it transferable, then that could qualify as immortality.
Neura-Link, developed by Elon Musk, opened up a scope of capabilities. It came at a time when humanity needed more than ever to understand the neural brain. The technology, when fully developed could enable one to record and store memories, emptions, moods and all bio-chemical impulses. It could be used to treat mental disorders, and communicate with digital devices. Anti-depressants, made man able to control and alter his mental condition, with Neura-Link and fungible technologies, man can control mortality.
Believers dread at the thought of human immortality. To them it is ultimate blasphemy and the successful attempt of man making himself god. They are right in their fear, man’s goal has always been to make himself god, and after all, he made the gods. Man will take his seat among gods, rule with them, and soon over them. Our civilisation is a progressive society, it values progress and improvement above all others. It will be another evolutionary landmark, to live forever. What if we never died, there sure would be no limit to our progress.

Charles Nyankieya.

Parents and children.

For someone who is terrified of kids, I find myself awfully drawn to this topic than I’d like. Now there are so many books and parenting manuals out there that’s it’s becoming a cliché. I’m not looking to add to the congestion, in fact this blog isn’t dedicated to parents out there because God knows I have no experience with children whatsoever. It’s something I’m writing for me, should I decide to have kids in the future and so happen to forget how it felt to be one. A good friend told me that my current thoughts are bound to change and the truth is, I’m really counting on that. When I read this some day in the future I want to realize how misguided I was, or maybe discover how insightful this was.

In my country there has been so much rebellion from children dedicated to parents and guardians. My stomach still coils everytime I think of a recent incident where a 22 years old boy butchered his parents, a sibling and worker in cold blood. I asked my mother what her thoughts were on the matter and she said, “He was possessed by an evil spirit,” She couldn’t imagine the boy was in his proper mind when doing that to his parents and that was where we differed.

Parents everywhere are trying to raise their children in their own image. Sounds familiar? Yes, because our very religion encourages that; God created man in his own image and the worst sin man committed that guaranteed his alienation from the father was disobedience. Just because a parent followed a certain path in life, they expect the children to do so. They project their fears, aspirations, opinions, ideals, assumptions etc. to the child and expect the child to adopt them. When a child yields the parent’s ego is stroked but in turn the child’s ego is hurt.

Deep down we all have a primal need to be unique individuals: No one wants to be a carbon copy of somebody else. When a child is forced to conform to their parents’ image, they will feel hopeless and trapped because at the end of the day they depend on their parents for survival and going against them will be very unwise. So instead of breaking away, the child lives in silent obedience which in turn breeds resentment. We all know emotions are powerful because they feed on energy, therefore the more you repress them the more power you give them. At one point the energy is going to need to be expressed and in our cases by rebellion: children killing parents, teachers and burning schools down.

I came by a quote: when a child comes into your life, it’s time for you to relearn life through their eyes and not try to teach them your ways…or something like that. After birth, your name, nationality, religion, society etc. are all decided by everyone but yourself. The only freedom you are allowed is how your life plays out, and when that is also taken away then the powerful anger, bitterness and resentment will make home.