The Same Old Story

I have been putting off writing this piece for a long time; partly because it’s an experience I’d like to pretend never happened, and I can’t seem to find words to match. Needless to say, my thoughts have been nagging for an outlet again and again. Also, this topic has been trending, and you know what they say:

One woman steps forward, then another and another…until you have a movement.

So here I am with a slight headache, dry eyes, and hoping to finally organize something that would resonate with anybody who cares enough to read this. Who needs to read this?…I don’t know, but this is my way of saying: I don’t want to be silent anymore.Let me bring you, my reader, up to speed with what I’m trying to communicate. According to statistics, only 1 out of 20 rape victims report the cases. ONLY 1!!! The remaining 19 choose to remain silent about the encounter. This could be due to a number of reasons best known to the victim. Choosing to remain silent of course solves nothing, but in my country, speaking up does very little as well: 80% of the time the rapist slithers scot free.

Speaking up isn’t just the better option because of justice matters, but because staying silent only leads to louder…

I’m not going to put my experience to detail, or any other person’s for that matter; the internet has archived enough of those and it still hasn’t helped deal with the elephant.Most girls can relate to sitting down with a girlfriend, listening to her cry about an awful experience, sympathizing with her, but not really empathizing. You often leave the room sad or angry, but thinking;

‘that can never happen to me, I can’t imagine, I’m somewhat immune, I’m careful, I’m modest, yada yada…’

Until the day, God forbid, you find yourself on the weeping end. You now understand why her world appeared to crumple that day while everyone else thought she was a dramatic-attention seeker, why she couldn’t forget, why she changed, why she couldn’t move on despite your motivational quotes, solidarity in hate and good listening skills…

People fail to understand that an experience like that changes you in more ways than one. Infact, only someone who has gone through the same can really empathize. You are constantly beating yourself up on how powerless you were (you couldn’t even keep an intruder from invading your OWN body) ,how hopeless and helpless a fellow human made you feel (can we really refer to them as humans?), and how your choice to such an intimate act was taken away. When the rapist is not brought to justice, then fear gets in line with shame, guilt, and hatred. The only thing left to do is grasp at straws for any semblance of normalcy.I came to an understanding that the society we live in is a diseased one, and is not about to change any time soon: I’m saving this for another blog though.Women often choose to play the victimhood game, complain about society, protest on social media, and demonize men and the police force. That, however, won’t stop the next sex preditor from abusing someone, or the police from dutifully looking the other way. It’s about time we took responsibility for ourselves, empower each other, equip, and fight back because no one out there is coming to the rescue.

We are under the illusion that people actually care when in real sense: nobody does.

This blog is a collaboration between me and my good friend Melissa Siya (IG handle @melissa_siya). We will do a second part which we hope will take you from the victim’s role to someone who takes action.

Man’s immortality.

We would all be like gods someday. Living forever and owning the universe. It is in human nature to stretch beyond limitations of time, space, distance, and dimensions that are yet to be experienced. Human resilience in the face of uncertainty and death, raging against the dying of the light, slowly and surely turned humans into gods.
Conscious man at nascent evolutionary stages had to run away from predators and live in high places where they could not reach him. However, he got tired of flight and instead formed groupings and cutting tools. The certainty and the bravery that comes with numbers made him hunt his prey and soon predators. Man was soon to be in a state of war, like Hobbes thought, and the largest fiercest of predators stumbled at his glance.
Winning the game of evolution was never enough for the Sapien. His desire was limitless, and insatiable. He built empires and pyramids, made gods, fought against them in Troy, and when he did not like them, he made new ones and killed the old ones. He endured catastrophes, and when gods could not help, he turned evolution on itself by creating vaccines and antibiotics.
For a moment, the gods were silent in shock forever. Man had discovered a trick that could save him plague after plague…
Two apocalyptic world wars came. The second one ending with an explosion that made man fear himself for the intensity of destruction and the heartless rage. However, with forgiving hearts and iron-wills, man did not try to escape his glaring nature and reality. He faced the demons he made.
Scientific and technologic renaissances were ignited. Soon, rockets were launching into space, moreover, the first man landed on the moon. Silicon Valley, in the face of collapsing worlds, cut their teeth and years later, the first personal computers were designed and built. Personal computers opened a whole scope to humanity. People all over the world were overjoyed with the start of a new age.
Scientists did not gentle into the undiscovered field. Medical and particle research was boosted, and new technologies arose. Microsurgery was possible, and soon artificial intelligence found its way to the minds of developers. Alongside it, man started asking himself the biggest question, “Can I overcome the chains of death and live forever?”
Civilised man has battled out with mortality. The myths surrounding death made it man’s ultimate villain. Death is that which makes him scared, that which he cannot beat, however much he tries to. The sapien pited himself against death by creating the afterlife and immortal gods. In his mind, he hoped physical death was not his end. Through technology and increased research, man’s fear has translated into a spirited fight to live on after death.
When sapien man encountered a physical force he could not beat, he formed a god and gave him dominion over it. Aphrodite was the goddess of fertility, sexuality, and romance. Hades controlled the underworld, while Thor summoned thunder with his hammer. Man’s victories over nature could not let him settle on the ability of the gods, real or not. Like a baby taking it’s first steps, he wanted to walk on and on. Soon he flew, and this was an incentive, that if he pursued his curiosity, some day he will gain eternity.
Eternity can be broken down to consciousness. How long can you be self-aware? Philosophers and scientists have discussed what constitutes consciousness. Awareness of existence forms mortality, while being aware of existence forever forms immortality. If we could store consciousness, or digitally decode it, and make it transferable, then that could qualify as immortality.
Neura-Link, developed by Elon Musk, opened up a scope of capabilities. It came at a time when humanity needed more than ever to understand the neural brain. The technology, when fully developed could enable one to record and store memories, emptions, moods and all bio-chemical impulses. It could be used to treat mental disorders, and communicate with digital devices. Anti-depressants, made man able to control and alter his mental condition, with Neura-Link and fungible technologies, man can control mortality.
Believers dread at the thought of human immortality. To them it is ultimate blasphemy and the successful attempt of man making himself god. They are right in their fear, man’s goal has always been to make himself god, and after all, he made the gods. Man will take his seat among gods, rule with them, and soon over them. Our civilisation is a progressive society, it values progress and improvement above all others. It will be another evolutionary landmark, to live forever. What if we never died, there sure would be no limit to our progress.

Charles Nyankieya.

Parents and children.

For someone who is terrified of kids, I find myself awfully drawn to this topic than I’d like. Now there are so many books and parenting manuals out there that’s it’s becoming a cliché. I’m not looking to add to the congestion, in fact this blog isn’t dedicated to parents out there because God knows I have no experience with children whatsoever. It’s something I’m writing for me, should I decide to have kids in the future and so happen to forget how it felt to be one. A good friend told me that my current thoughts are bound to change and the truth is, I’m really counting on that. When I read this some day in the future I want to realize how misguided I was, or maybe discover how insightful this was.

In my country there has been so much rebellion from children dedicated to parents and guardians. My stomach still coils everytime I think of a recent incident where a 22 years old boy butchered his parents, a sibling and worker in cold blood. I asked my mother what her thoughts were on the matter and she said, “He was possessed by an evil spirit,” She couldn’t imagine the boy was in his proper mind when doing that to his parents and that was where we differed.

Parents everywhere are trying to raise their children in their own image. Sounds familiar? Yes, because our very religion encourages that; God created man in his own image and the worst sin man committed that guaranteed his alienation from the father was disobedience. Just because a parent followed a certain path in life, they expect the children to do so. They project their fears, aspirations, opinions, ideals, assumptions etc. to the child and expect the child to adopt them. When a child yields the parent’s ego is stroked but in turn the child’s ego is hurt.

Deep down we all have a primal need to be unique individuals: No one wants to be a carbon copy of somebody else. When a child is forced to conform to their parents’ image, they will feel hopeless and trapped because at the end of the day they depend on their parents for survival and going against them will be very unwise. So instead of breaking away, the child lives in silent obedience which in turn breeds resentment. We all know emotions are powerful because they feed on energy, therefore the more you repress them the more power you give them. At one point the energy is going to need to be expressed and in our cases by rebellion: children killing parents, teachers and burning schools down.

I came by a quote: when a child comes into your life, it’s time for you to relearn life through their eyes and not try to teach them your ways…or something like that. After birth, your name, nationality, religion, society etc. are all decided by everyone but yourself. The only freedom you are allowed is how your life plays out, and when that is also taken away then the  powerful anger, bitterness and resentment will make home.


Doesn’t everyone lose everyone?

Hope that one day you’ll have the experience of doing something you don’t understand for someone you love.

Keep the doors open, as well as being ready to let go.

It takes a life to learn how to live.

The life of man is one hell of a circus revolving around the inescapable trap to do wrong and to suffer the consequences.

Words of a silent mind.

Keep your smile wide, nobody needs to know you’re having a hard time; because they probably have their own…

Let’s sit down for a minute and then talk for hours: Turn the coffee date into a bathroom and talk about our thoughts in the shower…

Relax though, I’m not one to want to take you to the bedroom: take a deep breath, I just want us to feel like this world is ours…
Which is an ambitious thought to have!, Because we all know who this world belongs to…

It’s a strange world we are living in. Too busy trying to find ways to exist in dead planets, while blindly destroying the living earth…

We justify our cruelties with, ‘we are human’, maybe that’s all there is to it. If you accept me, maybe I’ll accept myself. Maybe then, the guilt will float away…

some music interlude for all my music lovers. Follow, like and share to support this hardworking talent.

Guest blog.

The people bow and pray to the neon god they make’. Those words in Paul Simon’s song Sound of silence, leave me questioning, ‘Did we, hopeless people, create god?’

In the midst of our pain, uncertainty, and fear, we made the all-powerful father up in the skies to watch over us. Why then, one may ask, did man create god? Camille Paglia opines that human life started in flight and fear. When man became conscious of himself, he found himself exposed to nature, not
in the form of flowers or beautiful waterfalls, but in the form of diseases, predators, earthquakes, hurricanes and landslides. All these filled man with fear. Since fear is reciprocal, man ended up in societies, in search of security and certainty. However, still in the communities, they
experienced natural calamities that partially devastated them. Religion therefore arose to lull this punishing elements. The partiality of the punishment birthed the idea that maybe there is a god above that controls chaos. Had he not been there, we would all be destroyed. It also became necessary for man to keep liberty from turning into licentiousness. Jean Jacques
Rousseau writes that man was born free, but everywhere he is in chains. Camille Paglia supplements that when man found the taste of freedom to be intolerable, he looked for things to
chain himself with including government, laws, religion, and gods. Like other social constructs, god serves to ensure social order. Colonisers always carried their religion with them. In most cases, religion superseded colonisation. This is because the religious tenets carried the sway and interests of the colonisers. It is arguable that Christianity made Africans susceptible to slavery and servitude. This is because the social order it actuated made the European conquest easier. Most religious leaders still exploit their believers to their own benefit, and politicians use it to gain
political mileage.
God and religion have a singular affinity for the poor and afflicted. Indeed, there are more churches in the slums than in the rich estates. Karl Marx affirmed that religion is the sign of the oppressed creature. Man, with nothing material to hold onto, holds unto the gods they make.The gods in these sense offer hope and solace. Karl Marx construed this to mean that as long as the oppressed have a god, they will never fight for the comfort that comes from the material possession. The hopeless will always hold onto their gods, instead of working to change their situation. They will sleep in mud houses, while their heavenly father sleeps in mansions of gold and pearls.

We are all alone, and we have known this for quite some time. That is the reason we went to the moon, which was once revered and worshipped, to find it deserted. Perhaps God is dead like Friedrich Nietzsche wrote. In those old days he could rain down food on thousands of starving Israelites, in the Second World War, he could not even save them from Hitler. Millions of Jews died in the
concentration camps, and only the allied powers saved them. God could not even rain down food on the starving Ethiopians in the 80s. Maybe they were black and he is white, and black is the allegory of evil.

Given the postmodern era we live in, sentiments in the Bible skew hate than the Third Reich regime. History is full of singular events that genocide and slavery were committed in the name of a superior and noble being. Revered texts in the Bible explicitly advocate for hate and violence against a person of divergent views. It is prudent to treat the bible as it deserves, after all those are writings of a civilisation: it should not even be superior to the Norse and greek Mythologies.

Black people bow to an alien god, Allah and the Christian god. They are yet to realise that their world was stolen for centuries while they closed their eyes and prayed to the Christian god for decades. Muslims on the other hand have not yet realised that they are committing acts of terror in the name of a god given to them. The social order however profits those who created it, at the expense of the ignorant.

We could all be gods.
Owning the universe and living for an eternity. We cannot achieve this, if mythical creatures took our endgame. The death of god will be the rise of humanity. We could make our own heaven, save ourselves, take responsibility for ourselves and make real progress. If only we believed in humanity. Believed in a religious consciencness where each and everyone showed compassion, honesty, love, kindness, no greed, no jealousy, oneness: doing good not because of the rewards or fear, but because that’s what it means to be human.



The mind is thought of as a complex system, but even the most complex of systems is made up of simple building blocks which can be understood. Here are a few facts on the mind with brief explanations to back them up.The mind is a prediction machine. This is basically how worrying comes about: your mind trying to prepare, protect or warn you by coming up with scenarios on how it could possibly go. Let’s say I have an interview tomorrow, my mind will come up with predictions on how the experience could go and my thought process will be something like: what if I wake up late? What if my outfit isn’t professional enough? What if I say all the wrong things? What if I’m not qualified enough? Is my CV good? I’m I confident enough? What if I don’t impress them? What if I’m nervous and anxious then?…it could go on and on. But at the end of the day, as important as those warnings are, it’s best to remember they are your mind’s doing, and have nothing to do with how the situation will play out. So instead of missing out on that interview because you think you won’t get in, or failing to ask that girl out because you think you’ll be rejected, or turning down everybody who shows interest because you’ve predicted future heartbreaks, or putting off publishing that book because you already think no one will read it… It’s best to find out how the situation will play by forgetting what you think will happen and actually giving it a chance to happen.Your mind is your reality. I found some quote on Insta that said: you become what you constantly think about, and I couldn’t agree more. It’s easier to notice mistakes when you are always thinking of mistakes, it’s easy to find opportunities when you are always thinking of opportunities, it’s easy to be happy when you are always thinking positive… Belief is a very powerful thing, and it’s been proven that what you believe in often than not manifests in your own reality. A story I read somewhere: A man and his family lived in their home for years without anything extraordinary happening, until one distant relative visited. Now, the relative being a man who loved to prank, came up with ghost stories about one particular room in the house. He claimed the room he’d been given was haunted by the ghost of a woman who moved by tapping on the floor, going further to describe the ghost’s physical appearance. It may have been a made up story, but the next morning, the little girl who had slept in the room confirmed she’d heard the ghost tap. Soon, everyone in the family was convinced there was a ghost in the room. So they told their neighbor, and asked him to spend a night in the room and prove them otherwise, but the next day, the neighbor was also certain he’d seen the ghost. What they didn’t realize was that there was no ghost at all, but only a projection of what their minds wanted to see and hear.

When you don’t understand, you depend on reality. But when you understand, reality depends on you.

The mind lives in the past and the future and rarely in the present.The mind is a master at dwelling in the past or dreaming of the future. This may not seem bad at all on the surface, right? Especially when the present isn’t what we want it to be. But the problem with this is that you end up missing out on the present which is what we really have ( the past is gone and it’s only a memory while the future isn’t certain so it’s just an imagination: they both only exist in our minds). So instead of worrying/ planning for the future or reliving/suffering for the past, take time to exist in the present, enjoy it, give yourself permission to be happy and get things done. When you do that, you won’t have to worry about the future, because everything will kinda fall into place.The mind is a system. It is. Which is why we have habits, some deeply rooted in our unconscious selves that they become part of our identity. A story adapted from Atomic habits by James Clear: a woman, once a preschool teacher, got a new job as a corporate lady. But even then, she still found herself asking her fellow adults whether they’d washed their hands after using the washroom. Habits are therefore a big deal because at the end of the day we become what we do (habits are things we do repeatedly) and what we do often goes back to who we believe we are (see, the mind!). So if you want to change who you are, start by getting habits that align to the person you want to be, which means you start by doing things like the person you want to be. For example, if you want to be fit and healthy, start by acting like a fit and healthy person…working out, eating healthy etc. And don’t forget to watch yourself inorder to learn about those deeply-rooted, automatic, unconscious habits. I had to watch myself to learn that I often cover my mouth when I yawn, chew on my nails or anything I can get when I’m bored, apologize for literally anything, adjust my glasses when I’m nervous and so many other things which I used to do so unconsciously.The mind is a processing machine.The mind is a problem solving machine and because of that it’s always processing information, analysing and trying to ‘make sense’ or figure out what’s being fed to it. When things don’t add up, the mind is notorious for filling in the blanks inorder to make sense out of it all. Which is why we are often advised to trust memories less. The mind is always picking, choosing and altering information: so what comes out in memories is likely to be fabricated than what went in. Our brain often tends to make sense of what happened in the past by relating to the present. A true story by author Meredith Maran in her book My lie:A true story of false memory; Meredith was divorced, seeing a therapist, having a strained relationship with her father and dating a woman who’d survived sexual abuse. After a few repressed-memory therapies, Meredith discovered her father had raped her in childhood. She accused him of that in front of all her family members, he denied it, and the family was split into two: those who believed and those who didn’t. After a few months though, Meredith discovered her father had never raped her, the memory had been made up. Her brain had only been trying to make sense of her present: why she had the strained relationship with her father, her failed relationships with men, her toxic abused girlfriend, her feminist ideologies and the fact that she’d been studying the topic of child molestation . We can all prove this to be true. I mean, have you ever realized when you are dating someone, your memories with them are always so positive, but when you break up with them, you start to view the memories differently? What was once sweet and thoughtful becomes selfish and immature.


The idea of freedom is an alluring one but the sad reality is that most of us aren’t free, and none of us really wants freedom because with freedom comes great responsibility. Now you’ll say humanity has progressed over the years and freedom has been achieved along the way, but the truth it that we have simply replaced the old cruel forms of slavery with new fabricated ones. It’s hard to believe there were times when man was sold at market places just like any other commodity. It’s also hard to imagine the kind of life women led in the past centuries; being considered far lesser than men, denied their rights and viewed as property to extreme lengths. Africa and a few other continents have had a taste of slavery by being colonized for many years, and when the colonizers left, they thought they had attained freedom and democracy, which has turned out to be a pure joke as the white colonizers have been replaced by their very own.

Today, physical slavery has been done away with and replaced by mental/psychological/spiritual/mind slavery which is more dangerous because we cannot see it. Every society has a recipe on how one should live and behave: we are all dictated by societal ideologies, customs and beliefs which are borrowed and followed without really questioning or doubting. Our whole system of raising children is one of slavery; just because a child is born into a particular family they have to adopt the religious, societal, and political ideologies of that family and are highly discouraged from thinking, questioning and doing something outside what’s recommended. The child’s elders can’t be blamed though, because their own parents did the same to them and it’s something that has been going on for generations: after all, how can enslaved minds teach freedom? Children are conditioned to seek approval and validation from the society, to follow the pattern because that is the safest and easiest route whose outcomes are known, to follow ideals whose roots they don’t know, to repress their true nature which goes against what is required of them and to strive to be at the top/special/unique/extraordinary…and for what? So they could matter in the society, get attention for it or prove something?

The idea of freedom…

Freedom means being able to think for yourself and refusing to go by what you are told or what everyone else is doing until you find the why behind it. Society doesn’t want you to think, it wants machines who do what they are told and never question ‘why’ because once you start questioning you will see the lies and absurdities you have been feeding on. To question means you are willing to step out of the crowd mentality and stand alone; Socrates questioned and it got him poisoned, Jesus questioned and it got him crucified…and at the end of the day, those were the people who brought about change by dismantling the lies people lived in. So before you do anything or adopt some way of life, it’s really important to question why you are doing it, whether you are doing it out of your own accord or simply following the masses because everyone else is doing it.

Freedom means contentment with your own approval, validation, along with self acceptance.When your actions depend on outside approval and evaluation , then your life isn’t your own and it’s society pulling your strings. Once you stop caring about outside validation, then you will find the courage to truly live your life to the fullest and can be yourself without repressing anything. Letting go of societal validations, expectations and ideas will enable you to find your own individuality. You are not your beliefs, or your occupation, or your money, or your looks, or what you can do for others, or your religion etc…all those are just society-acquired personalities, your true individuality is what you are when all that is shed away. The word personality is of latin origins meaning a ‘mask that produces sound’, so everyone in the society is wearing a mask and they think it’s who they are, but the moment you take off the mask you will find your true individuality. It’s better to let go of what you think you are, the labels, the ideals and beliefs: that will be the first step towards psychological freedom and awareness of self.

Freedom means learning to not impose your ideas on other people, not taking offense when people don’t agree with your opinions, not trying to convert people to your ideals at any given chance, and the ability to look at new situations without any judgement. You may think your opinion is a fact, but so will the next person. And the fact is, everyone has their own idea of what is good/bad, right/wrong, beautiful/ugly…which all vary depending on their environment, upbringing, society, conditioning, and education system. So whatever you think is a fact might not be a fact at all, even in the world of science; what scientists thought was a fact yesterday can be disapproved tomorrow by new findings. By judging, you are simply projecting the very ideas you have accumulated from your society to the other person and that only makes you close minded and nothing else. Society advises it’s people not to judge, but the very same society goes on telling people what’s good or bad, right or wrong, what to consider beautiful or ugly etc.


I came across a blog on the internet that challenged my concept of the self, and after a lot of reading and meditation I finally came to an understanding. To explain my ideas I’m going to use the biblical creation myth, hinduism concepts from the upanishad and developmental psychology. I know it doesn’t make sense using hinduism concepts to explain a Christian concept but religions, in my opinion, may appear different on the shallows but the deeper you look into them, they all point to one central entity…Yahweh/Brahman/Tao. As you read this I hope you keep an open mind and remember, this is just my understanding; I may or may not be right, and it’s okay if you have a different opinion concerning all this. At the end of the blog I’m also going to include some bonus self quotes I’ve picked along the way.

The biblical creation myth has parallels in other creation myths and the common idea in all of them is the idea of one supreme being (God) or a unity (father, son and holy Spirit) from whom two are created (Adam and Eve) and from the two, humanity arises. Adam and Eve, with the influence of the serpent, eat the forbidden fruit and for that, they are kicked out of the garden. God then places a guardian to guard the garden of Eden and prevent Adam and Eve from eating the fruit of the tree of life.

In my understanding; the garden of Eden represents a pure state of consciousness in which Adam and Eve lack knowledge of self…let alone knowledge of good and bad: The state a new born baby is in. With time however, the baby slowly realizes the world is made up of others too. The baby’s thinking therefore shifts from ‘only one in existence’ (God) to two (Adam and Eve): the baby and others. The baby’s sense of self further widens as he/she grows from ‘the baby and others’ to ‘the baby, family members, friends, ethnicity group, races and fellow humans (humanity).

Self identification however happens after the apple is eaten with the aid of the serpent. Now, serpents are very ancient symbols and have been used in many cultures to represent immortality, life and rejuvenation as in the case of the ouroboros (the unborn and undying serpent that eats its own tail). I’m going to use the hinduism concept of Brahman (the God) and Atman(the soul) to put across my point. In hinduism, the creator Brahman becomes the created Atman(the god who creates becomes the soul that is created). The Atman/soul is the life giving-force, conscience, inner wisdom, and the deepest purest part in us which is God. In many cultures, Atman is related to breath, such as in German where to breath is to ‘atmen’, and in christianity, where God breathes his life-giving breath into Adam. Anyway, the serpent in the garden is used to symbolize Atman. Therefore Eve, symbolizing the role of women in giving birth, is guided by her own deepest self and inner wisdom to give birth to self awareness.

God does not destroy the garden containing the tree of life (as earlier written, the garden simply represents a pure,un-aware state of consciousness), instead he employs a threshold guardian to guard the garden. In many mythologies, threshold guardians can be overcome: either by knowledge (such as the Greek Sphinx) or by doing battle. God prevents anyone from accessing the tree of life because whoever does that will become like God.

Going back to the concept of Brahman(God) and Atman(soul), we know they are one and the same but with an illusion of being different. Getting back in the garden means seeing reality for what it really is: that the only thing existing is the ONE, you are the ONE and being different from God is just an illusion of the senses. As a scientist, I like to put it simply: we are cells and God is the body. We think we are different and independent from the body but in real sense the cells make up the body and the body is what makes the cells (without the cells there will be no body, and without the body there will be no cells). Therefore you can’t separate the body from the cells because they are one. Eating the fruit of the tree of life means going back to the pure,undifferentiated state of mind in which we are one with God (garden of Eden), but this time, unlike a new born baby, we are in blissful awareness (awareness of our oneness with God).

God threw us out of the garden because he didn’t want us to be like him. But he knew all along we were him.

Self quotes.

  • The most important relationship you should ever have is one with yourself.
  • Have so much self love that you can’t help but share without expecting anything in return. If you can’t love yourself then you can’t truly love.
  • There isn’t anybody out there better qualified to take care of you than yourself.
  • Have faith in yourself and your ability to deal with whatever challenges thrown your way.
  • It takes real discipline to not compare yourself with others. After all, we can never know who we truly are if all we are is in comparison to others.
  • You are the most important thing in the world and the moment you realize you control your destiny, the power will fall in your hands.
  • Only you can know what’s truly best for you.
  • Putting yourself first is not selfish. What is selfish is expecting others to put you first instead of themselves.

Quarantine reads.

I have never been one to read self-help books but I decided to give them a chance during this period and I was really surprised how useful they were. Three of the most influential were: The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson, Men don’t love women like you by G.L. Lambert and Women who love too much by Robin Norwood. Since they have impacted my thinking by far, I thought I should review them on my blog.
Women who love too much.
This book is for women with toxic relationship patterns such as controlling and managing their partners or women hooked to destructive love games. It’s also for women who have wasted time, energy, tears, and money on men who don’t love them back and are incapable of changing. In the book, Robin brings to light stories of different women whom you can easily relate to, and not only does she help you discover the root to your own unhealthy relationships, but also how to recover and lean towards healthy ones. The book is a wake up call from the societal way of thinking that preaches sacrifice, selflessness and suffering as forms of love. Every woman should definitely have a copy!
Men don’t love women like you.
Now this one had me making notes, highlighting points and re-reading chapters. This is a book for women who want a serious, lasting relationship and are fed up with the games. The core message in the book is self confidence and self love, knowing your worth, leaving the fear behind and becoming your true self! The author urges women to step out of their comfort zones, stop settling for good enough partners, question and vet out a potential before giving them access to their hearts and willingness to walk away and unchain themselves if their partner doesn’t measure up. This book really lays out the best transforming information on how to warrior up, and go from the placeholder position where  men just love you for what you can offer, to the game changer position where you get the love you deserve.
The subtle art of not giving a fuck.
This book is not your typical motivational book and will really shift your thinking. Although Mark’s language in the book comes off a little harsh, he manages to put his points across directly. The book helps you learn not everything has to matter, we are responsible for choosing what matters and what doesn’t, life doesn’t have to be perfect and it’s okay, picking the right values to guide your life, ditching victimhood and entitlement, learning we are responsible for everything that happens in our lives down to our happiness and love while keeping death in mind as a positive fuel to enjoy life.